Divorce is a deeply emotional process. Even if you were the one who decided to end your marriage, this is a huge period of change.
It’s a massive change for your children too and you’ll need to centre them at this time. Their lives are changing and it’s natural for them to feel uncertain, anxious, or even fearful about what the future holds.
To help you, here are some ways that you can help them get through this time of transition.
1. Encourage open communication
Your children need help with processing the changes happening around them, so be honest and supportive. Avoid vague or overly complicated explanations and tailor your conversations to your child’s age and understanding. Younger children may need simple reassurances that both parents will continue to love them and be part of their lives, while older children may ask for more details about how things will change.
- Let your child know that can express their feelings openly with you
Listen with empathy when they do open up. This is a massive change for them and they might have a lot to say about their emotional state. Or they may not want to speak much. In this case, allow space and say little until they feel ready to talk.
- Validate their emotions, whether they feel confused, sad, or even angry
It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers but maintaining a calm and approachable manner will help your child feel safe discussing their concerns.
If you’re unsure how to address difficult questions or manage emotional conversations, family law solicitors can offer guidance. They can provide advice on age-appropriate language and suggest strategies for handling conversations about custody arrangements, ensuring your child feels heard and understood.
2. Be consistent
When everything else feels unpredictable, maintaining familiar daily patterns can give your children a sense of security. Keep their schedules as consistent as possible, ensuring that mealtimes, bedtimes, and school routines don’t change. Stability in their everyday lives reduces feelings of uncertainty and helps them adjust to the new family structure.
If changes in living arrangements mean they’ll be spending time between two homes, work with your ex to create a coordinated routine that feels predictable across both households. You may even want to consider birdnesting with your ex-partner, where you and your ex rotate homes and your children stay in the family home, to increase that level of stability.
3. Provide emotional support
Divorce can trigger a mix of emotions in children, ranging from sadness and fear to anger and frustration. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings without minimising them. When children know their emotions are valid, they feel more secure and less alone.
Offer regular opportunities to check in with your child. Let them know they can talk about their worries or ask questions whenever they need to.
In some cases, children may benefit from professional support to help them process their feelings. A qualified child counsellor or therapist can provide a safe space for your child to explore complex emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
4. Collaborate with your ex
While emotions may run high between you and your ex-partner, it’s essential to prioritise your children’s wellbeing by maintaining a united front. If you can, try to work together to establish clear boundaries, consistent rules, and aligned expectations across both households.
Effective co-parenting involves regular communication and a commitment to resolving disagreements amicably. Co-parenting apps like Our family Wizard and Talking Parents are a great way to establish a routine and build a new normal between you.
5. Focus on long-term solutions
Divorce is not just about navigating the immediate changes; it’s about building a secure and positive future for your child. Beyond the initial transition, think about how you can continue to meet their emotional, educational, and financial needs as they grow.
How will their needs evolve over time? Be prepared to adapt co-parenting arrangements, review financial commitments, and reassess living situations as they get older.
Divorce is difficult time for everyone. Remembering to focus on your child at this time is vital.
